Restlessness

I hate the feeling of restlessness. Of waiting for something more, even though you know that to have there be more you must make it more. More will not appear out of thin air.

I hate getting stuck thinking of “when I did this” and “one time I went there”. Being content. Getting along. Living a life that feels stagnant and mildly copacetic. I will concede that I am at a point in my life where many people ask themselves what they are doing, and reassess what they have going. Knowing that others are doing the same around this point in their own lives is only some-what comforting. The reality of the matter is that there is nobody who will be able to tell me the right thing to do, or the correct path to take. The one time in my life when I've wanted a how-to manual is now.

At times I wish I was simple enough to just want a beautiful home where I can raise a kid or two.

I watched a new Travel Channel show this weekend where a guy who goes from country to country playing their national sports. This one is in Switzerland, a country I've yet to visit and which I've been dreaming of hiking across since a university professor told me about when he did and showed me a lovely slide show. The show made me sad.

Inner reflection is hard and exhausting, and I’m finding myself starting to shut down instead of continue with the hardship of it. Part of me wants to be in a completely selfish mode, and the other part of me is disappointed in the former half for feeling, let alone thinking it.

So today I am at a loss again. Nothing is "bad", but I want more...then I feel ashamed for wanting more, when most people would be content with it.

I am not like most people though, but at times I was I was.

No, I don't speak English

I've done a lot of traveling.

I was often nervous when going to a place that didn't have English as it's main language, usually out of fear that I would board the wrong train or accidentally order a snail pie or something.

One of the things that I made sure to teach myself before I was where ever I was, is how to ask politely in whichever language: Do you speak English? Often it was along the lines of "I'm sorry, I know little ----, do you speak English?"

It infuriates me to no end when I hear people who don't have enough respect for the language and community that they are surrounded by to at least learn that. This includes people from the States who give off the assumption that English is superior and everyone should understand it, as well as people of other nationalities that come here and become agitated that I am not fluent in whatever they are speaking.

I try. I am willing to continue my attempt at learning Spanish, which is prevalent in California-especially working in Agriculture (I've been trying for years, but for some reason German has stuck 8 million times better than Spanish), but I also think it's important to expand your own knowledge on the language of the country you are either visiting or living in. Spain, France, Germany, The Netherlands- where ever, I don't believe anyone who is traveling is stupid enough to not be able to learn a few lines. Even if many of the people there may perhaps know your native language (The Netherlands, for example), I believe an attempt at the language shows respect.

I have also found in my traveling that even when you try- as horrible and butchered as is may be- and are perhaps reading lines from a travelers companion or some other book, that the person you are trying to communicate with appreciates that fact that you are exerting an effort, and will be more willing to help you with what you need or perhaps- gasp- teach you a thing or two.

So please, don't call my office speaking another language a mile-a-minute, then hang up on me when I can't help you. I am pretty good at Spanglish, but that means you must be too. That or Pig-Latin.

Idol Mania

Alright, I admit that I'm on the verge of being an American Idol junkie. I already have a love/hate relationship with television, and stupid AI doesn't help things. Luckily for The Hubby though we have East coast feed on our satellite, so often I watch something at 5o'clock that he would hate to watch later in the evening when he's home. In regards to AI: He may say he doesn't like it, but he watches every time it's on.

So now AI is on to the top thirteen. Supposedly tonight they will be announcing some change in the show that will shake things up. Riiight...

I thought about looking on-line for everyones name and recaps of their performances, but really, if I didn't remember them without it, it was probably for a reason.

• Lil Rounds not only has a cool name, but the biggest badunkadunk on the show. She can wail, but should listen to Simone when he tells her her outfit is horrible. (Why don't people listen to him? He's always right...)
• Blind Guy is is fine, reminds me of high school choir, in that he can carry a tune but isn't very good. I admire that he plays the piano since I can only do the first measure of The Water is Wide with my right hand. I think he'll get sympathy votes.
• Guy Whose Wife Died rocks. I can't remember his name, but aside from his way too white dance moves I really like his voice and song choice. I think he'll go far.
• Blue Collar Guy is going to get votes because he's a sensitive middle class guy who sang a slow song. To his credit he did do a pretty good job. But I was bored and changed the channel.
• Other Black Chick made me feel like I was watching a pageant. Bor-ing.
• Anoop-Dog is somebody that I really liked in the beginning. Total intellectual Indian dude (dot not feather) that has a masters, and for fucks sake he sang "My Prerogative" twice. I'm going to cheer for anyone who does that. But really...he sang "Bad". I have to go with the judges and say that was a "bad" move. Almost makes me sad for the guy.
• Megan is awesome. I cannot really condone her awkward moves on stage, or her little weird shuffle thing that she does. Or her bad shoes. But her voice is quirky and amazing and I keep thinking back to the first song she did during auditions and how blown away I was at the difficulty of it. I hope she goes back to something like that. Besides that, a chick with a sleeve is hot. Not really bring-home-to-mom-hot, but hot.
• Chris (I think is his name), for some reason I want to punch him, and I'm nowhere near a violent person. His look is SO manufactured that I don't even know what to call it. Alternative? Punk? Displaced San Diego Pretty Boy Look? The judges raved about his performance, and I was so annoyed that I changed the station. At least he doesn't come off like an egotistical ass. Yet.
• Jazz-Guy taught himself how to play the piano, and is one of those dueling pianists. Hot. He's a Robin Thick, Justin Timberlake-ish guy, and is the front runner for me. His song rocked, his voice rocked, his piano playing rocked. Enough said.
• Little Blond Girl had a great ending to the show. I don't think the judges gave her enough credit. The last note sucked, but I think she rocked the song, even though it was a Michael Jackson song I've never heard of before.

I'm obviously missing a few people, but I think that if I've forgotten them then so has the rest of American- Oh, wait-

• Puerto Rico Guy- Weird. Somebody fix his eyebrows please.

OK. I have a few hours to wait, so I might as well through the Chicken Pot Pie in the oven.

Haven't blogged in awhile. With the FIL in and out of the hospital and celebrating my first 29th birthday, it's been a busy few weeks.

Speaking of hospital, one of the days we were visiting we happened to be there when they brought in a "meal". This delicious item was included:

If I am ever admitted into the hospital I hope my friends and family will bring me food. WTF is that?? A "gel-type treat"? I wish now that I got a good look at the ingredients.

My birthday consisted of dinner on the actual night, lunch with my closest girlfriends, and a BBQ party in my home town with some friends and family. I got a bottle of Italian wine I've never heard of (which makes me excited to try it- I don't venture out of California for my vino often), an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G bottle of Far Niente Dolce from The Hubby: Some adorable shoes from one of my BF's:And a Starbucks card with $52.50 on it. My dad thinks he's funny.