Not your Grandmas Bingo

I have never played Bingo for money before. That being said, let me introduce you to The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. The ones we spent time with are the Russian River Sisters, and they have monthly bingo. The caption on the website says "Sisters Bingo is not your Grandmas", and that really says it all.

Being an Easter theme, we decided to get some hats of our own (all except Amy, that is, which I'll get to later). It was nice to have hats on when we got there since we waited in line for an hour or so and it was blazing hot.

Look, Look! We're cute and innocent! Not only that- but we were sober. Yeah, I said it.

When you're waiting in line they finally come through and hand out numbered cards, as well as a special raffle ticket for virgins and seniors. When Sister Sparkle asked us if we were new she looked at as coyly and said "I can spot a virgin a mile away". We hadn't been called that in awhile, so needless to say we all smiled and thought "Ha ha! Fuck you husbands!".

A numbered card means you're guaranteed to get in, and there is no saving seats for late-comers. As we buy our cards, grab our raffle tickets and find a seat, we notice a large amount of random shit at the front of the room. Everything from a George Foreman Grill, wine, t-shirts, and water guns were up there. WTF? It turns out that this is exactly what it looks like. Free Shit. Throughout the night people start yelling and chanting "Free shit!" "Free Shit!", or "more shit!" when you don't think she stacked up enough to give away. And if you're not yelling loud enough you obviously aren't that in to getting free shit. The best part was looking across the room and seeing a grandma pumping with her fist yelling "free shit!!". Awesome.

So not only are we yelling about free shit, but every time we end a game everyone balls up the cards and throws it towards the winner. The place was a wonderful disaster and at one point I look up and there's paper flying everywhere, music blaring, and drag queens dancing. How could you not love bingo after this?!

One lady yelled bingo when she didn't have it, so they brought her up to the front and all the sisters had 30 seconds to dob all over her. Seriously- they put ink all over her face, arms and neck. She didn't care and she seemed pretty wasted, besides that she was sporting a banana clip in her hair, so she probably deserved it:

Speaking of dobbing and dobbers, I did not receive a memo about Amy being a motherfing professional. We brought bonnets, this bitch brought this:

Yeah, that's a bag of personal dobbers. She had personal dobbers. Apparently she goes to bingo every Monday with her mom. And guess what?

That's right, that bitch won. She was the only one of us who won anything. There she is going "look at me, I'm a winner and I carry around my own dobbers." (Er, not in those words though, it was really more like "Hey guys I brought some cookies, want some?" Whatever, I get your game woman...)

My favorite sisters were Sister Francis and Sister Sparkle:

My favorite thing about the bingo besides the possibility of winning a decent sum of cash is that they took a 15 minute break in the middle of everything to go across the street to the bar. Really. Next time not only am I going to have some pre-bingo Strip and Go Nakeds, but I'm taking my ass to the bar with the sisters.

This is our favorite dancing sister:There was only one Bad Idea of the evening and it happened while we were in line- and it wasn't even us. It was the lady in front of us, and I was worried about a scene. Or losing my foot:

Worlds smallest ice chest, not a svelte ass.

The evening was worth waiting in line for, and we definitely plan on going again at some point. This time, I'll have my winner pants on.