It's Britney Bitch.

Yes, it was Britney, bitch, and in all her lip-syncing glory too.

Innocent M and I made it to the hotel to meet the other two girls we were staying with, who were already two Strip and Go Naked’s ahead of us…well ahead of me since IM doesn’t drink. I had met Amy before since she went to high school with IM, but the other girl was new to me. I felt at ease and knew we’d be BFF when shortly after meeting me she said “Fuck this shit, which one of you bitches is holding my hair back later while I puke?” Ahhh, yes- this is gonna be good.

Here are a few things I learned this weekend, in no particular order:

1. Innocent M has a lot of patience.

2. A group of married women and a few blenders of booze make for a lot of free entertainment.

3. Even when you think you’re going to get into a bathroom brawl, it is possible for everyone to come out of it as best friends. But usually only when there is lots of booze involved with each individual present.

4. Innocent M has a lot of patience.

5. Too many Strip and Go Naked’s can lead to telling everyone you meet to have a “Happy Resurrection Weekend”.

6. We are not the only group that will yell “It’s Britney Bitch” to random strangers. We were, however the only ones to yell “Happy Resurrection Weekend”.

7. You should always eat dinner if you’re going to go to a concert after and have three double cocktails, after you’ve already had five singles.

8. You can never have too many “your mama” comments or “fuck your face” comments between friends. Luckily we were sober enough to know that this does not apply to strangers.

9. Innocent M has a lot of patience.

10. Tostitos Cheese Dip does not sound like it’s a good thing to puke up.

I was a little weary at first about wearing my lace shirt, but by the looks of things when we got there I was more on the conservative side than I initially thought, and I actually got lots of compliments on it. The Girls were only on mild display, while others had their ass and tits out on full display. In fact, I wonder how some of those young girls got out of the house in what they were dressed in- my dad and my brother would have punched me in the face and locked me in my room. I think Marie got a picture, which I'll post when I nab it from her.

This is a photo I'd like to entitle: Bad Idea #1:Chasing a vodka shot with your cup o' booze is not the smartest thing, but worse has happened. I usually make it a rule to never shoot vodka, which makes me wonder why I ignored that rule this time.

When you get to a concert you want to minimize the number of times you get up, since of course you wouldn't want to miss a thing, right? Well this simple fact, along with ignoring my no vodka shooting rule, leads us to a great Bad Idea #2:

Naturally, you're going to go to the booze stand and each get two double cocktails...Naturally. If you're Amy though, and you're so hard core you don't even bother eating dinner when the rest of us were, you also go back for another after the opening act, but this time with Jaeger. This is her Bad Idea #3, of which I neglected to take a picture of, as well as the consiquences of Bad Idea #3- lucky her.

Here's how classy we are after aforementioned cocktails. "Hi Mom!!":

I had to include this next picture, because it's the only sober woman in our group, and she's doing the robot. In public. Did I mention she's sober? I love Innocent M.

I think I may have even been beat-boxing when she was doing this. Now that I think of it, I may just want to beat-box every time I see this photo.

Towards the end I'm pretty sure I got mad at Innocent M because she wouldn't take our drunk-asses to the club at midnight- but I will admit that it was probably the wise thing for her to do, since Amy began puking at 3:30 AM, and was still in the bathroom when we left the hotel in the morning...At 10. As the rest of us are cringing at her dry-heaves and Marie jumped into her mom role getting everything packed for her, Innocent M looked at us and said"See, this is why I don't drink." Marie and I laughed, and I pointed out the two of the three of us were fine, and she needed to reevaluate her odds.

I didn't think I was hung-over, until I went to Safeway and got a Pepsi, chocolate donuts, and a banana. That is a hungover breakfast of champions. Gross.

P.S. Just an FYI: I am officially changing “Beef Curtains” to “Flap Steak”. Don’t ask, just go with it.

A GPS reminds me of television: An amazing invention, but somehow makes you stupider for using it.

I love my GPS, but because I always have a cute little voice (I usually call her "Vicky", and on occasion "Dumb Bitch") telling me where to go and when to "make a legal U turn", if for some reason I am driving there without the smart-ass portable contraption- I. Am. Useless. Sure, I could have driven there twenty times, but I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings because I didn't have to.

(Side Note: I have one of the settings in German which drives The Hubby crazy. I like it because I'm the only one that knows what the f*^k is going on, and you can't change it in the middle of a route without completely shutting the system off and allowing it to reboot and transfer everything back to English. Ha. That voice is male, and I like to call him Hans.)

When we initially set up the system we had a huge debate about which voice to have speaking. I wanted the sexy British guy, but The Hubby refused to have that "jack-ass" telling him where to go. So we settled on "Vicky". "Vicky", however, often entices anger when she dings on a street that is not there, or takes me to the ocean when I want to head towards the hills. I think she's out to sabotage me. Maybe we should have compromised on a British female instead of an American one. Or maybe we should update our system so it knows where to go on new streets.

The other thing that bugs me is when you ask somebody for an address, and they proceed to give you directions to the address. You politely tell them that you have a GPS, but they insist that their directions are better than where ever the magic box (insert joke here.) will take you. Because really- why would I want to easily follow the directions that are being played out-loud, when I could be trying to remember what you told me, or look away from the road to follow something written down? But wait....Didn't I just call myself stupider for listening to that damn thing?

*sigh*

Happy Friday!

Stop What You're Doing!

While out shopping last night we stopped to eat. While waiting for our food I ordered a martini. What is the big deal, you may ask?

I didn't get carded.
JesusFuckingChrist I didn't get carded.

I know I don't look my age (I still don't right?!!?!). But I guess I should accept that when I'm closer 30 it is possible that I could look over 21. But Holy Shit.

I think I need to bring out the boob shirts.

Friday Findings

(This is a posting the SaintOn has been doing for quite some time, and I liked the idea, so I stole it. It's how I roll, yo.)

Things I have learned this week:

1. Being appreciated for your skills in the workplace, and exceed expectaions makes a person fell damn good.
2. Being pushed to expand you knowledge on something can be stressful, but always works out for the better.
3. Your "chosen" family is sometimes just as important as your "given" family.
4. Obnoxious Pink Ninja Shades are always in fashion (and nobody can tell me otherwise).
5. Way too much booze during an extended amount of time will leave gaps in the memory. Huge gaps. (Let's not do that again.)
6. You're never too old to miss your mommy (she'll be here in aprox. 27 days).
7. If you don't use it, you lose it.
8. I am happiest when I have too much to do.

I am so excited for the weekend. CSGN will rock, and I'm using Giddy's tent, because she herself rocks, and now I can comfortably get dressed and store all my crap. Yeah, baby!!!

Happy Friday!