I am confessing: I am infatuated with my cat. I honestly think that my cat is the coolest cat out of every cat I've owned or seen. Although not known to be graceful, he does play fetch like a dog, and hold a conversation with you. My pussy is King.

I didn't think I had a problem, but when I plugged my iPhone into the computer I decided to go through the pictures on it, and shockingly there are a lot of Puss pictures.

Seriously- with 19 lbs of furry lovin' like this in bed with you, can you blame me for not wanting to get up?

I fear I may be one of those crazy old cat ladies when I'm in my 80s.

Shit.

Mmmm, Tequila

Who knew that there was a crazy bloody Mary-ish tequila shot chaser called sangrita. Smells like toilet water, taste like orange-juice bliss after a shot. Maybe I should try another to be sure...



Sent from my iPhone

A GPS reminds me of television: An amazing invention, but somehow makes you stupider for using it.

I love my GPS, but because I always have a cute little voice (I usually call her "Vicky", and on occasion "Dumb Bitch") telling me where to go and when to "make a legal U turn", if for some reason I am driving there without the smart-ass portable contraption- I. Am. Useless. Sure, I could have driven there twenty times, but I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings because I didn't have to.

(Side Note: I have one of the settings in German which drives The Hubby crazy. I like it because I'm the only one that knows what the f*^k is going on, and you can't change it in the middle of a route without completely shutting the system off and allowing it to reboot and transfer everything back to English. Ha. That voice is male, and I like to call him Hans.)

When we initially set up the system we had a huge debate about which voice to have speaking. I wanted the sexy British guy, but The Hubby refused to have that "jack-ass" telling him where to go. So we settled on "Vicky". "Vicky", however, often entices anger when she dings on a street that is not there, or takes me to the ocean when I want to head towards the hills. I think she's out to sabotage me. Maybe we should have compromised on a British female instead of an American one. Or maybe we should update our system so it knows where to go on new streets.

The other thing that bugs me is when you ask somebody for an address, and they proceed to give you directions to the address. You politely tell them that you have a GPS, but they insist that their directions are better than where ever the magic box (insert joke here.) will take you. Because really- why would I want to easily follow the directions that are being played out-loud, when I could be trying to remember what you told me, or look away from the road to follow something written down? But wait....Didn't I just call myself stupider for listening to that damn thing?

*sigh*

Happy Friday!

2009

I went in to 2009 with a wonderful, bright, hopeful and optimistic outlook.

As of now, I would like to give a big F-OFF to 2009. You have hardly started, and I am already through with you. Seriously. I wish I could skip you as if you were a stupid Geiko commercial recorded on my Tivo, so I can get back to my regularly scheduled program called life.

That has been my mantra as of late. I will humbly follow that up with a view of delicious unfiltered sake, because that should make anyone feel better- at least for a few minutes.

The End Has Come, Again.

One of my favorite things about the Dickens Christmas Fair is doing window modeling for Dark Garden Unique Corsets. If you're not familiar with it, you are basically positioned in a window as a live mannequin for an hour while changing position ever five minutes or so. The window can be whatever theme you come up with (with limitations, of course) and can be done alone or with a partner.

One of my windows this year was with Big A (duh), and was German themed. Yeah...We were cute.

You constantly have people trying to make you break and smile- waving, blowing kisses, even doing some, uh...lewd actions. The cutest is when you get a small child that is so enamored with you that s/he doesn't want to leave the window.

Sometimes you're lucky and are able to bribe somebody like GrillMan to take really good pictures for you in exchange for booze, so I'll give him his credit.

My favorite window thus far has been the one I did for the closing weekend where I covered myself in butterflies and had a butterfly catcher. I even had some guy propose to me in front of my window.

So now the fun is over until next year. Hopefully my NYE will be better than my Christmas- which included 6 hours of agonizing puking. Thank you Grandma's cooking!

I kid, I kid...Kinda.

Stop What You're Doing!

While out shopping last night we stopped to eat. While waiting for our food I ordered a martini. What is the big deal, you may ask?

I didn't get carded.
JesusFuckingChrist I didn't get carded.

I know I don't look my age (I still don't right?!!?!). But I guess I should accept that when I'm closer 30 it is possible that I could look over 21. But Holy Shit.

I think I need to bring out the boob shirts.

"Tis the Season...

...To not blog.

I have been busy. Super busy with the Dickens Fair, where we all dress up and talk funny while drinking lots of champers. Oh, and we're quite Christmas-y too.

The best thing about last weekend (that is blog-admissible) was our gift to Boob- which is obviously his nick-name and it should be obvious why.

(Duh, the man loves boobs.)

Since his birthday falls during Dickens and we are in a wonderful show together, every year for the last 4 we have done something for him. The first year it was a 45 (?) boob salute while singing Happy Birthday. Another year it was a boob crown and boob sugar cookies (both made my yours truly), we've given him a huge bottle of his favorite gin, because we all happen to be fans of his Boob-tini's, and all the ladies have tried to strip him bare. This year I felt we had to up the anti. I got one of our lovely cast members to take pictures of every body's breasts. Just the breasts. I was going to compile them all into a lovely little photo album, when another cast member suggested I take the plunge into the modern era: Do a digital frame.
Hello- brilliant!
So we did. And he got it, and it's on shuffle. He confessed on Sunday that he cannot match all the boobs to all the cast members, which I think is hilarious since he thought he stared at them enough. Obviously he's going to have to work on his memory skills. Oh- and all the men are in there also, which I thought would be a nice touch.

OK- that is all. Oh, and Merry X-mas and stuff.